Dating Criteria

In an interview in 2017 Tim Tebow explained what he is looking for in a future wife: Tebow said, “I’m looking for someone who loves Jesus and loves people. Someone who makes me want to be a better person for her. And she has to want kids, and has to want to adopt. That’s a requirement. Of course I want a woman who I’m attracted to.”

What about you, what are essential characteristics you look for?

 

 

Source: https://www.christianheadlines.com/blog/tim-tebow-says-his-future-wife-has-to-love-jesus-and-want-to-adopt-kids.html

Biblical Marriage

“Sensitivity demands that we understand the grief, frustration, and concern of Christian young adults….They are the inheritors of a culture that has minimized marriage and has sent mixed messages concerning sex, gender, marriage and all the rest. The full biblical vision of marriage was not, in the main, held before them from their earliest years at home, and was not encouraged and enriched as they grew through adolescence into adulthood. Many of them — especially many young women — feel victimized by this pattern, and they are frustrated by the reality.” -Albert Mohler

According to anthropologists, there is no society wherein marriage does not exist in some format (Montague, p. 240). The institution is, therefore, a universal phenomenon. Since every effect must have an adequate cause, there must be some reasonable explanation for this feature of global society.

Here is a crucial point. If it is the case that marriage was designed and inaugurated by the Creator, then he has the authority to set the rules. Men and women do not have the right to treat this sacred human relationship in a cavalier, self-directed manner.

The institution of marriage involves a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. Man and woman, by mutual consent, enter the arrangement. But the procedure, in order to be valid, must be consistent with divine law.

Traits of Marriage
-First, the marriage, is a relationship between a man and a woman.
-Second, marriage was designed to be a strictly monogamous arrangement.
-Third, marriage was designed with a hierarchial arrangement. (A husband who loves his wife will provide gentle leadership; he will not assume the role of a “tin god” who attempts to rule his wife with an iron fist.)
-Fourth, the marriage union was intended to be a lifelong arrangement.

Purpose of Marriage
-First, marriage accommodates our social needs. (As a general rule, it is “not good to be alone” (Gen. 2:18).)
-Second, marriage provides the means for the gratification of sexual desire — a virtuous, God-given inclination.
-Third, a home sanctified by marriage affords the ideal environment for the rearing of children.
-Fourth, the husband and wife arrangement was intended to facilitate the divine plan for human redemption.

Source:
Jackson, Wayne. “Marriage: As Designed by God.” ChristianCourier.com. Access date: May 8, 2018. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/843-marriage-as-designed-by-god

Online Dating

A few struggles that online dating presents.

Some interesting thoughts taken from this article: http://timharford.com/2016/02/online-dating-swipe-left/

We badly want to believe that after giving a website a list of our preferences, hobbies and answers to questions such as, “Do you prefer the people in your life to be simple or complex?”, a clever algorithm will produce a pleasing result.

Because these pleasing results seem elusive, wishful thinking has gone into overdrive.

It is crazy to believe that someone’s eye colour and height, or even hobbies and musical tastes, are a basis for a lasting relationship.

A simple survey that Norton conducted with two other behavioural scientists, Jeana Frost and Dan Ariely, revealed that people were unhappy with their online dating experience in three obvious ways. The first was that the “online” bit of the dating was about as much fun as booking a dentist’s appointment. The second was that it took for ever. This was the third problem: people tended to have high expectations before the dates they had arranged online but felt disenchanted afterwards. To adapt a Woody Allen joke: not only are the dates terrible but there are so few of them.

Given that online dating tends to be tedious, time-consuming and fruitless, it is no surprise that we seem hungry for a better way.

Soul Mate

Is there really only one perfect person for each of us to marry, and if you don’t marry that person than you won’t be happy? Some thoughts to consider:

If this is true, than what about Christians who have married non-Christians? The Bible is clear about the truth that Christians should marry Christians (because what we believe affects how we act and live). So if a Christian married a non-Christian, what happened to their perfect soul mate? Are they left out because their perfect soul mate married someone else?

What about a death of a Christian spouse? I know faithful Christians who have lost a spouse and eventually remarried later in life. Did they have two perfect soul mates?

If we each have a perfect soul mate, than how do we know when we have found the right one?

May I suggest that the idea of a perfect soul mate, may be erroneous? Biblically speaking the most important thing is finding someone who is a Christian who truly fears the Lord, or desires to do what is pleasing to God above all else. Love and marriage is not about how perfectly people fit together. Rather, love is a willful choice. God loves us not because we are easy to love, but because He simply graciously chose to love us. The same goes for our relationships; no one is easy to love, but we can choose to love them and remain committed even when things aren’t perfect.

Perhaps it’s not about finding your perfect soul mate, but rather finding a committed Christian who together are willing to make it work.

Delayed Marriage and Adulthood

Some tidbits from a good article from Albert Mohler:  https://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/problem-delaying-marriage/

Tellingly, secular authorities in the culture are now expressing worry about the delay of marriage among young Americans. When Time magazine is concerned about young Americans not getting married, Christians must be doubly concerned.

Study after study reveals that young Americans are achieving adulthood, if at all, far later than previous generations now living.

Why is this important to us all? A stable and functional culture requires the establishment of stable marriages and the nurturing of families. Without a healthy marriage and family life as foundation, no lasting and healthy community can long survive.

And we must encourage young Christians not to delay marriage, nor to marry in haste, but to make marriage a priority in the critical years of young adulthood. The Christian church must encourage young Christians toward the goal of marriage and must be clear about the necessity of holiness and obedience to Christ at every stage and in every season of life.

The One and Only?

“Single Christians must be careful not to think there is only one person out there who would make a perfect spouse for them. Christians do not stay married because they have chosen the “perfect” spouse. Marriage lasts for those who know they got married for God’s glory primarily, not themselves (1 Cor. 10:31). These couples stay together because they know dissolving marriage vows dishonors the Lord in almost every case (Num. 30:2).” – R.C. Sproul

Christian Dating Superstition?

There is a popular notion among Christian singles that says, “There is only one person God has you destined to be with.” Which can lead to us waiting and waiting for that “moment” and that special someone. I’m really not sure what to think of this idea, the Bible doesn’t say much about this type of thinking. Biblically speaking our top priority should be finding someone who is a genuine Christian, and pursuing a relationship based on purity, respect, truth and holiness, thus honoring God.

“German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer addresses this issue in a wedding sermon he wrote for his sister from a Nazi jail cell. He says that God joins the relationship between a man and a woman at the point of marriage. Before that, the couple has to take the initiative. Rather than directing the course of the relationship, God wants the couple to grow and learn how to make a commitment. Once they’ve done that, God increases his sustaining presence.” (source: https://www.crosswalk.com/family/singles/the-top-five-myths-of-christian-dating-11620987.html)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
    and refreshment to your bones.

Examining the Hookup Culture: The Dating Project

A new documentary called The Dating Project is attempting to get singles to re-evaluate how they approach dating. I don’t know a lot about this documentary (I think it may be a Catholic based production) but I am glad that people are at least trying to start some more dialogue regarding issues surrounding singles and relationships. I hope Christians will try to address some of the relationship issues of our culture more openly and boldly. Here is the website for their documentary: https://www.thedatingprojectmovie.com/